You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize