Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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