You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
