My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
That accounts for only three of the penises
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
