So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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