he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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