I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
