I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
