how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
