so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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