started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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