My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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