just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize