I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You know, be my cock's hype man.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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