You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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