youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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