His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
