so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize