shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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