I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
