soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
