Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
