Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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