i think my mom watched the whole time
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize