you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
