Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
