i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Randomize
