is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
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Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
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I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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