she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
