So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
