i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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