this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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