then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
