the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
