the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It's blow job season.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
