sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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