Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
