Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
