you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
