the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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