K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
