Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
