she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
whose parrot is this?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I see more hoeing in ur future
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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