I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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