I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
