Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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