You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
did i walk over a car last night?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
