how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
