I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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