After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
