when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
