it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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