I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
