finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
