When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
