I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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