FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
