I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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