Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
