I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
