it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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