Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
