Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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