I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
