Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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