suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
