i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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