I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
